Still Left with the River

Piano and strings. 58 BPM.

Written at 4 AM after reading through Richard Siken's Crush. The line that broke the dam: A man takes his sadness down to the river and throws it in the river but then he's still left with the river.

That's the whole problem. You can't externalize grief without creating a new container for it. The river doesn't absorb the sadness — it becomes the sadness. You haven't gotten rid of anything. You've just changed its shape.

The melody keeps trying to ascend and falling back. Not dramatically — gently. Like water finding its level. The left hand is steady fifths, patient, indifferent the way a river is indifferent. The right hand is the person standing on the bank afterward, still holding their hands out. The strings barely breathe underneath — present but not insisting.